1
00:00:03,771 --> 00:00:05,473
-Gemma, I think you're good.
-I'm gonna hit it.

2
00:00:05,539 --> 00:00:07,041
-I would just go
straight on back. -No, no, I'm gonna hit it.

3
00:00:07,141 --> 00:00:08,342
-Dave, I'm gonna hit it.
-You're not gonna hit it.

4
00:00:08,442 --> 00:00:09,843
GEMMA:
I'm gonna hit it.

5
00:00:09,943 --> 00:00:11,545
-Did this jerk
park you in again? -Ugh.

6
00:00:11,679 --> 00:00:14,182
When I find out who he is,
he is gonna be sorry.

7
00:00:14,282 --> 00:00:15,516
Oh, yes, he is.

8
00:00:15,649 --> 00:00:17,218
You know, this is cause
for an ass-whupping.

9
00:00:17,351 --> 00:00:19,553
Now, now, we don't know
what he's going through.

10
00:00:19,653 --> 00:00:20,921
Maybe there was an emergency.

11
00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:22,690
-Maybe his wife is giving birth.
-GEMMA: Oh.

12
00:00:22,823 --> 00:00:24,925
Where, Dave? In your yard?

13
00:00:25,693 --> 00:00:27,461
And he parked here
yesterday, too.

14
00:00:27,561 --> 00:00:29,497
-Hmm.
-It's fine.

15
00:00:29,563 --> 00:00:31,999
I left a terse note
on his windshield.

16
00:00:32,900 --> 00:00:35,869
I can't understand
why you are not furious.

17
00:00:35,969 --> 00:00:37,638
'Cause if I left him a note,
it would say,

18
00:00:37,705 --> 00:00:40,841
"Sorry for smashing out
all your windows!"

19
00:00:40,908 --> 00:00:43,177
Calvin, can you help me
get out of here?

20
00:00:43,277 --> 00:00:45,213
-Okay, yeah.
-Excuse me, I'm right here.

21
00:00:45,346 --> 00:00:46,547
(groans)

22
00:00:46,647 --> 00:00:47,881
Okay, no, you know what?
You probably need to

23
00:00:47,981 --> 00:00:49,317
straighten it out
just a little bit first,

24
00:00:49,383 --> 00:00:51,085
and then, and then cut it.

25
00:00:51,185 --> 00:00:53,187
-No, no, no, cut it...
to your left. -Cut it which way?

26
00:00:53,287 --> 00:00:55,089
-To your left, Gemma.
Go left-left. -I would cut it to your right.

27
00:00:55,189 --> 00:00:56,957
No, do not cut it to your right.

28
00:00:57,057 --> 00:00:59,026
-Don't listen to me.
-You don't know what you're talking about.

29
00:00:59,127 --> 00:01:00,561
* Welcome to the block,
welcome to the neighborhood *

30
00:01:00,694 --> 00:01:02,062
* Welcome to the hood. *

31
00:01:06,900 --> 00:01:08,068
Hey, Dad.

32
00:01:08,169 --> 00:01:09,737
Do you know where
my birth certificate is?

33
00:01:09,837 --> 00:01:12,039
Oh, sure. Look in the glove box.

34
00:01:12,106 --> 00:01:13,441
-Thanks. (chuckles)
-Yeah.

35
00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:15,609
Oh, no, it's not!

36
00:01:16,377 --> 00:01:19,313
Marty, I haven't seen
your birth certificate

37
00:01:19,447 --> 00:01:21,249
since your mother
signed my name on it.

38
00:01:21,315 --> 00:01:24,551
Uh, that tracks,
but Courtney and I need it

39
00:01:24,618 --> 00:01:26,019
to get our marriage license.

40
00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:28,489
Aw, don't worry, Marty.
Of course I've got it,

41
00:01:28,589 --> 00:01:31,158
-but I'm gonna need it back.
-Why?

42
00:01:31,259 --> 00:01:33,161
'Cause you'll lose it.

43
00:01:34,094 --> 00:01:37,965
Mama, I'm about to be
a whole husband, okay?

44
00:01:38,765 --> 00:01:40,501
You know what, Marty?
You're right.

45
00:01:40,601 --> 00:01:43,304
After the wedding,
I'll give it to your wife.

46
00:01:44,305 --> 00:01:46,340
Come on, babe,
that's ridiculous.

47
00:01:46,473 --> 00:01:48,176
Is it? Okay.

48
00:01:48,309 --> 00:01:50,711
Well, Calvin,
where's your birth certificate?

49
00:01:50,811 --> 00:01:52,979
I don't know. You have it.

50
00:01:53,080 --> 00:01:54,247
Mm.

51
00:01:54,315 --> 00:01:56,184
See what I'm saying?

52
00:01:57,251 --> 00:01:59,152
I know I don't
say this enough...

53
00:01:59,287 --> 00:02:00,454
(panting)

54
00:02:00,521 --> 00:02:03,023
-...but I love you.
-Okay, okay.

55
00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:05,359
David, you say it all the time.

56
00:02:05,493 --> 00:02:06,594
Ah, Gemma.

57
00:02:06,694 --> 00:02:09,463
-Oh, Dave. Are you okay?
-Yes.

58
00:02:09,562 --> 00:02:10,898
I'm alive. Oh, Calvin.

59
00:02:10,997 --> 00:02:13,301
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

60
00:02:14,335 --> 00:02:15,936
What the hell is going on?

61
00:02:16,036 --> 00:02:19,006
I was running down Marengo,
w-working on my six-minute mile,

62
00:02:19,106 --> 00:02:22,276
when out of nowhere, one of
those food delivery robots

63
00:02:22,343 --> 00:02:24,845
came careening
down the sidewalk,

64
00:02:24,945 --> 00:02:27,014
totally out of control.

65
00:02:27,114 --> 00:02:28,382
(sighs) I had to
leap out of the way

66
00:02:28,482 --> 00:02:30,017
and almost stumbled
into traffic.

67
00:02:30,117 --> 00:02:31,319
But you're okay?

68
00:02:31,385 --> 00:02:35,155
Well, yes, thanks
to my catlike reflexes.

69
00:02:35,856 --> 00:02:37,925
Oh, my God,
and now I smell like you.

70
00:02:39,527 --> 00:02:42,663
But as I lay there,

71
00:02:42,763 --> 00:02:43,831
looking into the light...

72
00:02:43,930 --> 00:02:45,633
-Okay.
-What is he looking at?

73
00:02:45,699 --> 00:02:47,735
Okay.

74
00:02:47,835 --> 00:02:50,371
I realized
I almost made you a widow.

75
00:02:51,272 --> 00:02:53,641
Grover, a half an orphan.

76
00:02:54,508 --> 00:02:56,577
Is that the robot?

77
00:02:57,745 --> 00:02:59,747
Oh, dear God.

78
00:02:59,880 --> 00:03:02,350
It's coming back
to finish me off!

79
00:03:03,917 --> 00:03:05,419
Is this what...?

80
00:03:05,519 --> 00:03:07,054
-Uh, s- I'm-I'm sorry!
-Really? -Oh, really, Marty?

81
00:03:07,154 --> 00:03:09,089
I'm-I'm sorry! I'm sorry, Dave.

82
00:03:09,223 --> 00:03:11,425
Okay? I had a hankering
for chilaquiles.

83
00:03:12,693 --> 00:03:14,595
Where is my churro?

84
00:03:17,431 --> 00:03:19,533
162.

85
00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:21,602
-Age?
-43.

86
00:03:21,702 --> 00:03:23,904
-Height?
-Six-one.

87
00:03:28,041 --> 00:03:29,243
Six foot.

88
00:03:32,079 --> 00:03:35,283
Five-11, final offer.

89
00:03:35,416 --> 00:03:37,285
Sir, this is not
for a dating app.

90
00:03:37,385 --> 00:03:40,087
I just work
for the insurance company.

91
00:03:40,888 --> 00:03:42,823
Dave, I know
yesterday was traumatic,

92
00:03:42,923 --> 00:03:44,525
but we already have
life insurance.

93
00:03:44,591 --> 00:03:45,926
But you can never have enough.

94
00:03:46,059 --> 00:03:48,095
Look, you don't realize
how fragile life is

95
00:03:48,195 --> 00:03:50,298
until you're almost killed
by a Decepticon.

96
00:03:50,430 --> 00:03:53,501
It was a rolling cooler
full of tacos.

97
00:03:54,602 --> 00:03:58,372
Regardless, I just want
to make sure that, God forbid,

98
00:03:58,472 --> 00:03:59,707
something happened to me,

99
00:03:59,807 --> 00:04:01,275
that you and Grover
are taken care of.

100
00:04:01,409 --> 00:04:04,412
Dave, stop. I hate thinking
about life without you.

101
00:04:04,478 --> 00:04:06,414
You have to be prepared.

102
00:04:06,514 --> 00:04:08,782
And just promise me
that you won't mourn forever.

103
00:04:08,882 --> 00:04:10,518
Join a widows'
grief support group.

104
00:04:10,618 --> 00:04:12,653
You know, move on.

105
00:04:12,786 --> 00:04:14,021
Enjoy life.

106
00:04:14,121 --> 00:04:16,856
You know, maybe...
even meet someone.

107
00:04:16,957 --> 00:04:20,793
Wh... Oh, God.
I can't imagine that.

108
00:04:20,894 --> 00:04:24,365
I wouldn't even be able to think
about dating for a year or two.

109
00:04:27,801 --> 00:04:30,137
-A year?
-Or two.

110
00:04:31,271 --> 00:04:33,073
Or five.

111
00:04:33,140 --> 00:04:35,142
No. No, no, no. You know what?

112
00:04:35,275 --> 00:04:37,445
I'm sorry.
It's what I want for you.

113
00:04:37,511 --> 00:04:40,180
You know, maybe you and your
widow friends plan a vacation.

114
00:04:40,314 --> 00:04:42,450
Go to, say, Greece.

115
00:04:42,550 --> 00:04:46,086
Hit up the clubs in Mykonos,
you meet a DJ named Stavros.

116
00:04:46,153 --> 00:04:47,821
(chuckles) He doesn't speak
much English, but,

117
00:04:47,921 --> 00:04:51,325
God knows, he doesn't have to,
not with that jawline.

118
00:04:53,060 --> 00:04:55,228
So you're telling me
we've had this stuff

119
00:04:55,329 --> 00:04:57,331
under our bed for 30 years?

120
00:04:57,465 --> 00:04:58,832
(sighs) Just keep looking.

121
00:04:58,932 --> 00:05:01,001
The birth certificates
are in one of these.

122
00:05:01,101 --> 00:05:02,870
(sighs) Come on. Tina, really?

123
00:05:02,970 --> 00:05:05,072
-Macaroni art.
-Oh, let me see.

124
00:05:05,172 --> 00:05:07,941
-A kindergarten graduation cap.
-Aw.

125
00:05:08,041 --> 00:05:09,343
Look at this.

126
00:05:09,443 --> 00:05:12,380
You know, you got a whole box
of hand turkeys.

127
00:05:12,480 --> 00:05:14,047
-(chuckles) Oh.
-(scoffs)

128
00:05:14,147 --> 00:05:16,850
But you gonna throw away
my Jet "Beauty of the Weeks."

129
00:05:16,950 --> 00:05:19,420
My Jayne Kennedy.

130
00:05:28,396 --> 00:05:31,198
O-Okay, uh, here we go.

131
00:05:31,298 --> 00:05:33,467
These are report cards. Ah.

132
00:05:33,534 --> 00:05:35,836
-Here go the birth certificates
right here. -Yes.

133
00:05:35,936 --> 00:05:37,871
There we go. (laughs)

134
00:05:37,971 --> 00:05:40,073
What's this little envelope?

135
00:05:41,875 --> 00:05:43,877
What are these?

136
00:05:43,977 --> 00:05:47,648
Aw, that's their baby teeth.

137
00:05:47,748 --> 00:05:49,282
What?

138
00:05:51,318 --> 00:05:52,953
And you kept them? Why?

139
00:05:53,053 --> 00:05:56,490
'Cause I just like
to look at them sometimes.

140
00:05:56,557 --> 00:05:57,691
When?

141
00:05:57,791 --> 00:05:59,527
Just put 'em back
in the envelope, Calvin!

142
00:05:59,627 --> 00:06:02,229
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Tina, you know what?

143
00:06:02,329 --> 00:06:03,431
Enough is enough.

144
00:06:03,531 --> 00:06:04,932
All right, they're grown men.

145
00:06:05,065 --> 00:06:07,067
Let's just get rid
of all this stuff.

146
00:06:07,167 --> 00:06:09,937
No, I can't throw
their baby teeth away.

147
00:06:10,070 --> 00:06:12,540
You know what? I'll just
put them under the bed.

148
00:06:12,640 --> 00:06:14,341
No, you won't.

149
00:06:14,442 --> 00:06:16,243
I ain't sleeping
on no damn teeth.

150
00:06:18,979 --> 00:06:21,048
Sorry about the urine sample.

151
00:06:21,148 --> 00:06:22,450
You sure it's enough?

152
00:06:22,550 --> 00:06:24,117
It's fine.

153
00:06:25,152 --> 00:06:26,620
(sighs) It's so weird.

154
00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:28,422
You know, at the movies,
I have to go, like, five times.

155
00:06:28,522 --> 00:06:29,890
(stammers) Gemma,
tell her, at the movies,

156
00:06:29,957 --> 00:06:32,426
-how many...
-Dave, she said it's fine.

157
00:06:34,361 --> 00:06:37,698
-(tablet chimes)
-Blood pressure 155/90.

158
00:06:37,798 --> 00:06:39,933
What? That's high, right?

159
00:06:40,033 --> 00:06:41,268
Yeah, that's pretty high.

160
00:06:41,401 --> 00:06:43,437
Hold on, this makes no sense.
It's impossible.

161
00:06:43,571 --> 00:06:45,172
Well, hold on.

162
00:06:46,306 --> 00:06:48,141
Look. Look, I mean...

163
00:06:48,241 --> 00:06:49,943
I'm in good shape.
I mean... (sighs)

164
00:06:50,043 --> 00:06:52,613
Sure, I can't always
make urine on demand,

165
00:06:52,746 --> 00:06:54,114
but...

166
00:06:54,214 --> 00:06:56,617
Dave, calm down.
We'll figure it out.

167
00:06:56,717 --> 00:06:58,652
No. (sighs)
Look, I-I don't smoke.

168
00:06:58,786 --> 00:07:00,287
I... never used drugs.

169
00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:02,122
I mean, there was
that one Fourth of July

170
00:07:02,222 --> 00:07:04,958
that I did snort Pop Rocks,
but that's it.

171
00:07:08,328 --> 00:07:10,130
Hey, Calvin.

172
00:07:10,230 --> 00:07:11,665
Dave.

173
00:07:11,765 --> 00:07:14,034
I see that guy has your driveway
blocked in again.

174
00:07:14,134 --> 00:07:17,938
Can't believe your little note
didn't scare him straight.

175
00:07:18,038 --> 00:07:19,306
It might be my fault.

176
00:07:19,406 --> 00:07:20,608
You know,
he's probably a young guy.

177
00:07:20,707 --> 00:07:22,175
I don't think they read cursive.

178
00:07:24,011 --> 00:07:26,279
You know, and he moved
your garbage cans

179
00:07:26,379 --> 00:07:28,015
to make room for himself.

180
00:07:28,148 --> 00:07:30,350
You never touch
another man's cans.

181
00:07:31,351 --> 00:07:33,386
Look. (sighs)

182
00:07:33,487 --> 00:07:35,489
It's not worth
getting upset about.

183
00:07:35,589 --> 00:07:38,692
-(monitor beeps)
-Aw, gosh darn it.

184
00:07:38,792 --> 00:07:39,927
What's that?

185
00:07:40,027 --> 00:07:42,029
It's my wearable
blood pressure monitor.

186
00:07:42,129 --> 00:07:43,597
I'm trying to lower
my blood pressure

187
00:07:43,697 --> 00:07:46,299
or I'm gonna pay through
the nose for life insurance.

188
00:07:46,366 --> 00:07:48,769
You know... (sighs)
I'm doing everything I can.

189
00:07:48,869 --> 00:07:51,539
I eat right. Exercise.

190
00:07:51,639 --> 00:07:54,041
I sleep well.
I take two naps a day.

191
00:07:54,174 --> 00:07:57,409
(stammers) You know,
maybe I eat too much kale.

192
00:07:59,513 --> 00:08:01,114
I don't know
what to tell you, Dave.

193
00:08:01,181 --> 00:08:02,683
My blood pressure's
always normal.

194
00:08:02,816 --> 00:08:04,985
-So jealous.
-(stammers)

195
00:08:05,052 --> 00:08:06,453
I mean, you can't
compare yourself to me.

196
00:08:06,554 --> 00:08:09,489
I grew up in the '70s.
We grew up tough.

197
00:08:09,590 --> 00:08:12,693
No helmets. No seat belts.
No allergies.

198
00:08:14,027 --> 00:08:16,864
Pretty sure people in the '70s
had allergies.

199
00:08:18,465 --> 00:08:20,433
I didn't know any of them.

200
00:08:22,135 --> 00:08:24,304
Calvin said I should
get rid of this stuff,

201
00:08:24,404 --> 00:08:25,806
but it's really hard.

202
00:08:25,873 --> 00:08:27,908
(sighs) I've been there.
It almost killed me last year

203
00:08:28,008 --> 00:08:31,612
when I finally got rid of
Grover's light-up potty.

204
00:08:33,981 --> 00:08:35,215
He's 14.

205
00:08:35,347 --> 00:08:37,384
You have a bag
of Malcolm's hair.

206
00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:40,888
-Ooh, it was so curly. (laughs)
-(groans)

207
00:08:41,722 --> 00:08:44,592
But once you do it, you'll feel
so good about yourself.

208
00:08:44,725 --> 00:08:46,459
-Yeah.
-Trust me.

209
00:08:46,560 --> 00:08:47,895
Like, what is this?

210
00:08:48,028 --> 00:08:51,164
Oh, Malcolm made this for me
for Mother's Day.

211
00:08:51,231 --> 00:08:52,566
But what is it?

212
00:08:52,700 --> 00:08:54,267
It's a...

213
00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:56,003
It's a paperweight.

214
00:08:56,069 --> 00:08:58,538
-There's two of them.
-Then they're bookends, Gemma.

215
00:08:58,606 --> 00:09:00,073
Okay.

216
00:09:01,008 --> 00:09:02,009
Hey, Mama.

217
00:09:02,075 --> 00:09:03,644
Oh, good. My babies are here.

218
00:09:03,744 --> 00:09:06,179
Okay, I've got
your birth certificates,

219
00:09:06,246 --> 00:09:08,949
your Social Security cards
and your passports.

220
00:09:09,082 --> 00:09:10,984
-Aw, thank you, Ma.
-Also,

221
00:09:11,084 --> 00:09:13,520
all of this is all yours now.

222
00:09:13,621 --> 00:09:16,089
-Oh.
-Oh. Okay, uh...

223
00:09:16,223 --> 00:09:17,891
-What is that, finger paintings?
-Mm.

224
00:09:17,991 --> 00:09:20,961
Yeah, we don't need any of that
stuff. You can just toss it.

225
00:09:21,762 --> 00:09:24,197
-So, you want me to die?
-No.

226
00:09:26,233 --> 00:09:28,301
This is your childhood.

227
00:09:28,435 --> 00:09:30,638
Well, no, come on, Mama,
a-a place mat

228
00:09:30,771 --> 00:09:32,840
from Gravy Jack's
is not our childhood.

229
00:09:32,940 --> 00:09:35,542
Aw. Look, you did the maze.

230
00:09:35,643 --> 00:09:37,945
Oh. Tina, honey.

231
00:09:38,078 --> 00:09:39,279
That is garbage.

232
00:09:39,412 --> 00:09:42,182
Oh, my God,
there's, like, ten of them.

233
00:09:43,216 --> 00:09:44,517
Oh, man, remember these?

234
00:09:44,618 --> 00:09:46,319
-What? Muchigon cards?
-(chuckles)

235
00:09:46,453 --> 00:09:48,188
We used to get
so excited about these.

236
00:09:48,288 --> 00:09:51,324
Yeah, and now you're excited
to throw them out.

237
00:09:51,424 --> 00:09:52,860
Oh, man, Vampirax.

238
00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:54,728
Wereturtle. Pterodactyclops?

239
00:09:54,795 --> 00:09:57,564
That's the one
I got sent to detention for

240
00:09:57,665 --> 00:09:59,633
because I was showing my friends
in social studies.

241
00:09:59,767 --> 00:10:02,102
Ah, in your defense,
it was incredibly rare.

242
00:10:02,169 --> 00:10:03,436
Well, I couldn't believe
I had one.

243
00:10:03,536 --> 00:10:05,105
(nasally):
Wow, Marty, that's so cool.

244
00:10:05,172 --> 00:10:08,341
A one-eyed dino-bird card
that proves you're a virgin.

245
00:10:09,142 --> 00:10:11,344
(laughs)

246
00:10:13,013 --> 00:10:16,549
Dave, the point of our team
meetings isn't to socialize.

247
00:10:16,650 --> 00:10:19,019
(laughs softly)
Okay, but all I did was ask

248
00:10:19,119 --> 00:10:21,254
that Brian guy
how his weekend was.

249
00:10:21,354 --> 00:10:23,490
That's an invasion of privacy.

250
00:10:23,590 --> 00:10:25,525
It's giving ick.

251
00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:27,427
I-I'm sorry, "ick"?

252
00:10:27,494 --> 00:10:31,231
Wh-What is, what is "ick"
and how can it be given?

253
00:10:31,331 --> 00:10:34,101
Now you're crossing into cringe.

254
00:10:34,835 --> 00:10:36,003
-Hey, Dave.
-Oh.

255
00:10:36,103 --> 00:10:37,370
-Check it out.
-Uh...

256
00:10:37,504 --> 00:10:38,605
Calvin, I'm in a meeting.

257
00:10:38,706 --> 00:10:42,009
With who?
One of Grover's friends?

258
00:10:42,743 --> 00:10:44,177
DAVE:
It's my boss.

259
00:10:44,277 --> 00:10:46,513
Please- uh, one second, Josh.

260
00:10:46,613 --> 00:10:49,282
-What is so important?
-Oh. I just wanted to give you this.

261
00:10:51,518 --> 00:10:53,687
-What did you do?
-You know the guy

262
00:10:53,787 --> 00:10:55,555
that's been blocking
your driveway?

263
00:10:55,689 --> 00:10:57,790
I sent him a message.

264
00:10:58,625 --> 00:11:00,327
Now, I couldn't get the bumper

265
00:11:00,393 --> 00:11:01,962
all the way off,
but it's hanging.

266
00:11:02,029 --> 00:11:04,898
Calvin, you cannot just-
you know, hold on.

267
00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:07,300
Josh? Hey, uh, I'm so sorry.

268
00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:09,402
But I get it. No more niceties.

269
00:11:09,502 --> 00:11:11,104
I'm gonna bottom-line it:

270
00:11:11,204 --> 00:11:16,309
if you could speak a lot less,
that would be awesome.

271
00:11:20,013 --> 00:11:21,381
Uh...

272
00:11:23,516 --> 00:11:25,485
Josh, what I don't think
you understand is...

273
00:11:25,552 --> 00:11:26,820
Dave.

274
00:11:26,920 --> 00:11:29,056
Dude. Remember what
we talked about.

275
00:11:29,156 --> 00:11:30,457
Lose the ick.

276
00:11:30,557 --> 00:11:32,092
Lose the cringe.

277
00:11:32,192 --> 00:11:33,927
Josh out.

278
00:11:39,599 --> 00:11:41,268
What just happened, man?

279
00:11:42,102 --> 00:11:43,336
Look, Calvin... (sighs)

280
00:11:43,436 --> 00:11:45,773
It's just the way
my boss is, okay? It's...

281
00:11:45,906 --> 00:11:47,640
It's not a big deal.

282
00:11:47,741 --> 00:11:49,209
It is a big deal.

283
00:11:49,309 --> 00:11:52,412
You can't let Nickelodeon
talk to you that way.

284
00:11:52,545 --> 00:11:54,414
(monitor beeping)

285
00:11:54,547 --> 00:11:57,417
See? That's why
your blood pressure is high.

286
00:11:57,517 --> 00:11:59,452
You're holding in your rage.

287
00:11:59,586 --> 00:12:03,757
I have nothing
to rage about, Calvin.

288
00:12:05,392 --> 00:12:08,028
See? It's that.

289
00:12:08,128 --> 00:12:10,197
That thing right there
that you do with your neck.

290
00:12:10,263 --> 00:12:11,631
What thing I do with my neck?

291
00:12:11,765 --> 00:12:15,068
This thing that you do,
like a hungry baby bird.

292
00:12:18,438 --> 00:12:21,141
You do it every time
you say you're not angry

293
00:12:21,274 --> 00:12:23,610
when I know damn well
that you are.

294
00:12:23,710 --> 00:12:26,814
Calvin, wh-what do I have
to be angry about?

295
00:12:26,947 --> 00:12:29,482
What don't you have
to be angry about?

296
00:12:29,616 --> 00:12:33,220
You lost your job,
you're working for Boss Baby.

297
00:12:34,421 --> 00:12:37,024
You got your ass whupped
by a taco-bot.

298
00:12:38,725 --> 00:12:39,927
Calvin, it's not that bad.

299
00:12:40,027 --> 00:12:42,796
David, your life sucks
right now, man.

300
00:12:42,896 --> 00:12:44,932
Come on. Your life is trash.

301
00:12:45,032 --> 00:12:47,500
And if you don't let
that anger out...

302
00:12:47,634 --> 00:12:49,602
-(monitor beeping)
-...people gonna start dancing

303
00:12:49,702 --> 00:12:51,839
to that beat all the way
to Funkytown.

304
00:12:51,939 --> 00:12:54,374
(beeping continues)

305
00:13:01,614 --> 00:13:03,116
-Mama...
-Gemm...

306
00:13:03,216 --> 00:13:04,684
Gemma, you're not even looking.

307
00:13:04,784 --> 00:13:07,955
Tina, you are gonna feel so good
when this is gone.

308
00:13:08,021 --> 00:13:09,189
(moans)

309
00:13:09,289 --> 00:13:10,790
Malcolm.

310
00:13:11,558 --> 00:13:14,227
Uh, come look at this.
This... this Pterodactyclops

311
00:13:14,361 --> 00:13:18,065
is a first-edition
platinum diamond refractor card.

312
00:13:18,198 --> 00:13:19,032
So?

313
00:13:19,132 --> 00:13:22,335
So, it's worth $5,000.

314
00:13:22,402 --> 00:13:23,971
What? You're kidding me.

315
00:13:24,071 --> 00:13:25,472
For a piece of cardboard?

316
00:13:25,572 --> 00:13:27,807
A very rare piece of cardboard.

317
00:13:27,875 --> 00:13:30,377
Okay? Looks like
it's my lucky day.

318
00:13:30,477 --> 00:13:32,545
(laughs)

319
00:13:32,679 --> 00:13:34,481
Yours?

320
00:13:34,547 --> 00:13:36,649
I bought that card. (chuckles)

321
00:13:36,749 --> 00:13:38,051
-Yeah.
-(chuckles)

322
00:13:38,151 --> 00:13:40,520
Uh, you may have
bought the card, dear brother,

323
00:13:40,620 --> 00:13:42,422
but if you remember,
when you started to care about

324
00:13:42,555 --> 00:13:44,157
things like girls and sports,

325
00:13:44,257 --> 00:13:46,393
you gave all your cards,
uh, to me.

326
00:13:49,229 --> 00:13:51,965
I believe I said
that you could play with them,

327
00:13:52,065 --> 00:13:54,767
not that you could have them,
dear brother.

328
00:13:54,868 --> 00:13:57,604
Ah. (strained laugh) Well...

329
00:13:57,704 --> 00:14:02,175
Uh, so, you do admit
that you gave them to me.

330
00:14:03,911 --> 00:14:06,980
Yes, but you never claimed dibs.

331
00:14:08,348 --> 00:14:10,951
Dibs were implied!

332
00:14:13,386 --> 00:14:16,756
The only thing you get dibs on
is being a dork!

333
00:14:16,856 --> 00:14:18,625
Hey, hey, hey!

334
00:14:18,725 --> 00:14:20,227
I cannot believe
you guys are arguing

335
00:14:20,327 --> 00:14:22,629
over some little stupid
monster card.

336
00:14:22,729 --> 00:14:24,531
Uh, my stupid monster card.

337
00:14:24,597 --> 00:14:26,233
And may I remind you, brother,

338
00:14:26,299 --> 00:14:28,135
-you ain't bigger
than me no more. -What?

339
00:14:28,235 --> 00:14:29,502
Oh, no.

340
00:14:31,604 --> 00:14:34,507
-Hold this, Mama.
Mama, hold that. Hold on. -No... Oh, come on.

341
00:14:34,607 --> 00:14:37,044
-Is this...
-Just step back. Okay. All right.

342
00:14:37,144 --> 00:14:38,278
-(shouts)
-Oh!

343
00:14:38,378 --> 00:14:40,080
-Okay! Okay!
-TINA: Don't do this!

344
00:14:40,180 --> 00:14:42,449
Stop that! Put him down!

345
00:14:42,549 --> 00:14:45,752
-Marty! Stop!
No, don't... Oh, no! -(shouting)

346
00:14:49,222 --> 00:14:51,959
So, just smashing stuff is
supposed to make me feel better?

347
00:14:52,059 --> 00:14:54,294
Oh, trust me.
David, you're gonna love it.

348
00:14:54,427 --> 00:14:57,030
You know, Tina brought me here,
like, eight years ago

349
00:14:57,130 --> 00:14:58,731
when I was going through
some stuff.

350
00:14:58,831 --> 00:14:59,967
Eight years ago?

351
00:15:00,067 --> 00:15:02,035
That's when we moved in
next door.

352
00:15:02,835 --> 00:15:06,039
Hmm. Eh, coincidence.

353
00:15:06,806 --> 00:15:08,808
All right. Go ahead, come on.

354
00:15:08,942 --> 00:15:10,410
Start smashing some stuff.

355
00:15:10,477 --> 00:15:11,611
(sighs) Well, come on, Calvin.

356
00:15:11,678 --> 00:15:12,946
I-I mean,
I can't hit this printer.

357
00:15:13,013 --> 00:15:14,681
It's in perfectly
good condition.

358
00:15:14,814 --> 00:15:16,183
Oh, really?

359
00:15:20,453 --> 00:15:21,955
Now it's not.

360
00:15:22,055 --> 00:15:23,890
Come on, Dave.

361
00:15:23,991 --> 00:15:25,492
You remember
how pissed off you were

362
00:15:25,625 --> 00:15:28,761
when your little boy boss
told you to shut up?

363
00:15:28,828 --> 00:15:32,365
Yeah. I mean, I love to talk.

364
00:15:32,465 --> 00:15:33,900
Yes, you do.

365
00:15:34,001 --> 00:15:37,470
Now imagine you're in a meeting,

366
00:15:37,537 --> 00:15:42,375
and you just heard "Shut up"
from that little snot

367
00:15:42,475 --> 00:15:45,178
who's not even old enough
to rent a car.

368
00:15:45,278 --> 00:15:46,779
How would that make you feel?

369
00:15:46,846 --> 00:15:48,515
It would make me feel mad.

370
00:15:48,648 --> 00:15:50,050
Get him.

371
00:15:50,883 --> 00:15:52,152
Yeah.

372
00:15:52,219 --> 00:15:53,453
Go.

373
00:15:53,520 --> 00:15:55,388
Why don't you shut up, Josh?

374
00:15:56,523 --> 00:15:59,392
(laughs) You tell him, Dave.

375
00:15:59,492 --> 00:16:02,195
Yeah. Meeting is over!

376
00:16:02,295 --> 00:16:03,896
Oh, yeah!

377
00:16:04,631 --> 00:16:07,800
Now you can't tell me
that didn't make you feel good.

378
00:16:07,900 --> 00:16:10,137
Yeah, I won't tell you.

379
00:16:10,237 --> 00:16:11,804
'Cause it felt amazing!

380
00:16:11,871 --> 00:16:12,939
(chuckles)

381
00:16:13,040 --> 00:16:15,475
Okay. Now, you see
that windshield?

382
00:16:15,575 --> 00:16:17,877
Now imagine that belongs
to the car

383
00:16:17,977 --> 00:16:19,446
that blocks your driveway.

384
00:16:19,546 --> 00:16:22,082
-Yeah.
-And it's street cleaning day.

385
00:16:22,915 --> 00:16:24,484
Break yourself, fool!

386
00:16:24,584 --> 00:16:27,154
Whoa! Yeah! Yeah!

387
00:16:27,854 --> 00:16:29,256
That's what I'm talking about.

388
00:16:29,356 --> 00:16:31,958
Now, what are you
looking at, Stavros?

389
00:16:33,993 --> 00:16:37,230
Okay, uh, uh,
who-who the hell is Stavros?

390
00:16:37,330 --> 00:16:39,599
Yeah, he's a really handsome
Greek guy

391
00:16:39,699 --> 00:16:41,401
who's trying to steal my wife.

392
00:16:41,534 --> 00:16:43,070
This is Sparta!

393
00:16:43,203 --> 00:16:44,837
Yeah.

394
00:16:45,572 --> 00:16:48,241
That is the spirit there, Dave,
right there.

395
00:16:48,341 --> 00:16:50,943
And this? Yeah!

396
00:16:51,078 --> 00:16:52,412
This is for the people
that stand up

397
00:16:52,512 --> 00:16:54,347
in the back of the plane
once we land.

398
00:16:54,447 --> 00:16:56,216
You're in 33-C!

399
00:16:56,283 --> 00:16:58,818
Sit down!
You ain't going nowhere!

400
00:17:00,820 --> 00:17:02,889
-Oh!
-Ow!

401
00:17:04,357 --> 00:17:06,726
I can't believe
I had to separate you two.

402
00:17:06,826 --> 00:17:09,128
No kidding. You're a novelist,
you're a physicist,

403
00:17:09,262 --> 00:17:11,830
and you're still
giving each other wedgies?

404
00:17:11,931 --> 00:17:12,865
Well, he started it.

405
00:17:12,932 --> 00:17:14,467
You stole my card.

406
00:17:14,601 --> 00:17:17,304
Hey, hey, hey!
I thought I said stop.

407
00:17:18,971 --> 00:17:21,208
-Stop- stop punching me,
Malcolm! -Ain't nobody touching you!

408
00:17:21,273 --> 00:17:22,575
-(both bickering)
-Hey!

409
00:17:22,675 --> 00:17:24,644
-You better stop it!
-Look, Ma, he lying.

410
00:17:26,713 --> 00:17:28,281
I kept all this stuff
to remind me

411
00:17:28,415 --> 00:17:30,617
of when y'all were little kids,
but now I'm remembering,

412
00:17:30,717 --> 00:17:33,486
when y'all were little,
y'all were a pain in my ass.

413
00:17:33,586 --> 00:17:35,622
-You hear that?
She talking about you. -She talking about you.

414
00:17:35,722 --> 00:17:37,424
-She talking about you.
-What you talking about? She talking about you.

415
00:17:37,490 --> 00:17:38,591
She talking about you,
Malcolm...

416
00:17:38,658 --> 00:17:41,161
I'm talking about
the both of you.

417
00:17:41,294 --> 00:17:43,496
You know what?
I don't miss any of this.

418
00:17:43,630 --> 00:17:46,099
And you won't miss any of this.

419
00:17:46,166 --> 00:17:47,500
(sighs) You know what?
You're right, Gemma.

420
00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:50,002
-Everything's got to go.
-Ugh! Finally!

421
00:17:50,103 --> 00:17:51,271
(stammers)
But not the baby teeth.

422
00:17:51,338 --> 00:17:52,872
I want to make a necklace.

423
00:17:56,109 --> 00:17:57,510
Please tell me you're joking.

424
00:17:57,610 --> 00:18:00,012
(scoffs) Yeah, I was joking.

425
00:18:01,648 --> 00:18:03,082
Hey, hey, everybody.

426
00:18:03,150 --> 00:18:04,584
-Hey, Daddy.
-Hey, Pop.

427
00:18:04,684 --> 00:18:05,852
Great news.

428
00:18:05,952 --> 00:18:08,955
Calvin and I were just smashing.

429
00:18:09,055 --> 00:18:10,857
-What? What?
-MALCOLM: What?

430
00:18:10,990 --> 00:18:13,260
David, there's got to be
a better way.

431
00:18:13,326 --> 00:18:15,195
Uh, you-you want
to try that again?

432
00:18:15,295 --> 00:18:17,697
Okay, fine. (sighs)

433
00:18:17,797 --> 00:18:19,866
Calvin got us a private room.

434
00:18:19,999 --> 00:18:22,635
-All right, I don't have time
for this. -So, you could smash my dad?

435
00:18:22,702 --> 00:18:24,537
I-I'll tell the story.

436
00:18:24,671 --> 00:18:27,940
I took Dave to a rage room
to get his anger out.

437
00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:30,009
And the best part is,
is my blood pressure

438
00:18:30,109 --> 00:18:31,611
has never been lower.

439
00:18:31,678 --> 00:18:35,382
My insurance is gonna be
cheaper, and I'm not gonna die.

440
00:18:35,515 --> 00:18:37,116
That's great, honey.

441
00:18:37,217 --> 00:18:41,854
Yeah, and you tell Stavros
to find another widow.

442
00:18:43,055 --> 00:18:44,757
-Hey. Hey, I remember these.
-Uh, whoa.

443
00:18:44,857 --> 00:18:46,559
-Whoa, whoa, whoa.
-Daddy, Daddy, Daddy. Uh...

444
00:18:46,693 --> 00:18:48,961
Uh, please be very careful
with that.

445
00:18:49,061 --> 00:18:51,498
-(chuckles) It's worth $5,000.
-Yeah. Let me get...

446
00:18:51,598 --> 00:18:53,166
For a piece of cardboard?

447
00:18:53,266 --> 00:18:56,903
Yes. They have been fighting
over it for the last half hour.

448
00:18:57,036 --> 00:18:58,671
-Well...
-Only because he gave it to me.

449
00:18:58,771 --> 00:19:01,408
-Because I bought the card.
-But why can you not understand

450
00:19:01,541 --> 00:19:03,543
-the concept of dibs?
-Shut up.

451
00:19:03,643 --> 00:19:05,178
Wait a minute. Hold on.

452
00:19:05,278 --> 00:19:07,314
Is this the stupid dinosaur card

453
00:19:07,380 --> 00:19:09,182
that y'all used to fight over
as little boys?

454
00:19:09,282 --> 00:19:11,318
-Uh, well, it-it,
it's not stupid. (chuckles) -(chuckles)

455
00:19:11,384 --> 00:19:13,052
But-but yes, that is the one.

456
00:19:13,186 --> 00:19:15,922
Yeah, and I remember this.

457
00:19:16,022 --> 00:19:18,191
You knocked over
and completely destroyed

458
00:19:18,258 --> 00:19:21,594
a full bottle
of Johnnie Walker Blue.

459
00:19:23,530 --> 00:19:26,533
I mean, that... that does sound
vaguely familiar.

460
00:19:26,633 --> 00:19:28,401
-Yeah. (murmurs)
-You know what?

461
00:19:28,501 --> 00:19:31,838
I confiscated it then,
and I'm reconfiscating it now.

462
00:19:31,904 --> 00:19:33,406
-Oh, come on, Pop.
-Daddy, come on.

463
00:19:33,540 --> 00:19:35,742
Now-now, now, no, you know what?
I'm gonna use the money

464
00:19:35,842 --> 00:19:37,477
to pay for
your rehearsal dinners.

465
00:19:37,577 --> 00:19:40,413
And to replace my bottle
of Johnnie Walker Blue.

466
00:19:42,415 --> 00:19:44,183
Are you happy, Marty?

467
00:19:44,251 --> 00:19:46,085
Me? This is a hundred percent
your fault.

468
00:19:46,185 --> 00:19:48,054
-How is that my fault?
-Well, you could've just gave me the card.

469
00:19:48,154 --> 00:19:49,689
Hey, guy- guys.

470
00:19:49,789 --> 00:19:51,524
You didn't even have
the card yesterday.

471
00:19:51,591 --> 00:19:53,560
Gain some perspective
on the moment.

472
00:19:53,626 --> 00:19:55,362
BOTH:
Shut up, Dave!

473
00:19:55,428 --> 00:19:57,464
-(Malcolm shouting)
-No, you don't tell Dave to shut up, Malcolm.

474
00:19:57,564 --> 00:19:59,432
-I'm tired of you...
-Hey! Hey! Oh!

475
00:19:59,532 --> 00:20:01,868
Hey! Hey! Hey, don't- Oh, no!

476
00:20:06,806 --> 00:20:08,908
This is for the lady
at the liquor store

477
00:20:09,041 --> 00:20:11,143
who said she didn't need
to see my ID.

478
00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:13,079
-Yeah.
-Hi-yah! (yelling)

479
00:20:13,179 --> 00:20:15,415
Yeah! (grunts excitedly)

480
00:20:15,515 --> 00:20:18,050
Hey, hey, well, this is for
the guy who gets on the elevator

481
00:20:18,184 --> 00:20:20,119
and pushes the button
like you weren't smart enough

482
00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:21,754
to push it already.

483
00:20:22,822 --> 00:20:24,691
(whooping)

484
00:20:25,892 --> 00:20:27,394
This is for the guy

485
00:20:27,494 --> 00:20:29,228
that knows you're waiting
on a parking space

486
00:20:29,329 --> 00:20:32,665
-but decides to check
his text messages. -Whoa-oh.

487
00:20:32,732 --> 00:20:36,869
-You see me! You see me!
-(whooping)

488
00:20:36,936 --> 00:20:40,707
And this is for
The Rise of Skywalker!

489
00:20:40,773 --> 00:20:42,575
-(shouts, laughs)
-Ooh!

490
00:20:42,709 --> 00:20:44,944
(stammers) Marty, what?

491
00:20:45,044 --> 00:20:46,846
Well, it was, it was
a very bad movie

492
00:20:46,913 --> 00:20:49,015
in an otherwise
excellent franchise.

493
00:20:49,115 --> 00:20:51,684
-Let's go! Ow.
-Oh...

494
00:20:51,784 --> 00:20:53,953
-Give me the bat. You're done.
-No, please. -Oh, he didn't...

495
00:20:54,053 --> 00:20:56,523
-No, I-I need this.
-He didn't...

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